I have really struggled with this idea. Not just in doing physical things, but in many things. I often lack confidence in my abilities, and so, sabotage myself and convince myself I can’t do things. A prime example is running.  In the fall of 2012 I decided that I needed to lose some weight and get in shape, but I didn’t want to commit to anything that cost money, like a workout program or gym membership, because I’d spent lots of money on things to get in shape that just ended up collecting dust or getting donated when I didn’t use them. SO, I downloaded an app with the idea that I would train for a 5K. I think I lasted 2 weeks.

The first week you were supposed to alternate running 1 minute and walking 1 ½ minutes for a total of 20 minutes. I thought I would die. Each of those minutes I was supposed to run felt like forever as I struggled to breathe and my heart pounded so hard I thought it would beat out of my chest. Then I got sick, and quickly used that as my excuse to quit.

Fast forward almost 2 years. I’d been working out, doing 21Day Fix, for a couple months. Someone in my FB accountability group posted a link for a 5K Color Run and asked who was going. I took the challenge. That night I opened that app and tried that first week workout again…and it was easy!! I followed the plan and ran my first 5K 10 weeks later, in November 2014.

Around the same time that I had started training, I got an invitation to join a Facebook group called The 300 Day Project. The point was to challenge ourselves to do something difficult. Several people chose to train for a ½ marathon. I chose to stick with my plan to run a 5K, and then to run a 10K.

Well, after I ran that first 5K, and my second a couple weeks later, I decided it was too hard –I convinced myself I couldn’t do it. I gave excuses about my knees (which weren’t entirely untrue), and told everyone that I just had no desire to do it….rather than the truth that I just didn’t think I could.  I tried another 5K in January and it felt just as horrible as the first two, so I felt justified in my decision to quit.

Then in March, my sister told me that she had bibs for me to run a 5K and a 10K at Disneyland with her in May. I couldn’t say no, but I really didn’t believe I could do it, and again gave excuses so she wouldn’t be disappointed or too surprised if I didn’t finish.

I ran those races this past weekend. BOTH of them! As we walked from our hotel to the starting line of the 10K on Saturday, I was still saying I just hoped I could run 4 of the 6.2 miles, because my knees were sore from the day before, and I didn’t sleep well, and I’d never run more than 4 miles, blah, blah, blah. My sister kept telling me I was gonna be awesome and that I was totally gonna rock it. I didn’t believe her.

As they counted down the start, I hit go on my running app, the first song in the shuffle was Carry On Wayward Son – my Dad’s song. Since his passing, my dad has, on more than one occasion, made his presence known through this song and a couple others. Standing at that starting line, I KNEW it was his way of telling me, “You’ve totally got this!”  And THAT was exactly what I needed. For the first time instead of thinking, “I hope I can” I was thinking “I can” and “I will”. From mile 2 on, my knees were telling me to stop, but I just couldn’t do it.

It wasn’t fast, but I did it! I fought tears as I crossed the finish line. Except for my knees, I felt energized and like I could keep going. For the first time, I could envision myself going further – running a half marathon.  Even one step further, running a 10K and a  ½ marathon in the same weekend – just like my sister was about to do. I suddenly saw myself capable of so much more than I had ever allowed myself to think possible. I broke through a barrier I had placed on myself as I crossed that finish line – and I was suddenly excited about my possibilities! Not just in running, but in other areas of my life as well.

Now I’m not gonna lie, my knees are going to be an issue, but they are an issue that I WILL find a solution for because I AM going to do this!!

Comfortable in my own skin

I came across this on Pinterest the other day and it's been stuck in my head. Most of my adult life I was pretty comfortable in my skin. Yeah, I had my little gripes about my body, but nothing I dwelt on. Until a few years ago when I started gaining weight, beyond the baby weight I still carried. When I started my fitness/weight loss journey 9 months ago I just wanted to get back to the post baby size that I had spent 20 years at. Then I got there and was able to go beyond that. I'm actually down to the size I was when I got married, almost 25 years ago now. But I look at my body and still see problems, some the same and some new. I have made this incredible change to my lifestyle and health and I still see things to be unhappy with....and that bothers me. Not because those "imperfections" exist, but because I find myself more focused on them than I like, or than I was before. I feel ungrateful. The Lord has helped me to lose 40 pounds and to get healthier and more fit than I have been since college. I've run three 5Ks so far, and am currently signed up to run a 5K, a 6.5K and 10K in May (not certain I'll be able to run the whole 10, but that's ok). I never would have dreamed of doing that a year ago, or even 10 or 15 years ago. I do exercises and workouts that people much younger than my 48 years struggle with. I'm so grateful for all of that. I KNOW that the Lord helped me get here! So how do I stay focused on gratitude for this miraculous, if aging, body that I have been given, and the positive changes He has helped me to make to it rather than picking it apart? That's what I'm struggling with....and currently obsessed with figuring out