Today was a big milestone day. A once in a lifetime day for Katelyn and I. Katelyn got engaged last week to Nate, and today we went wedding dress shopping for the first, and as it turns out, the last time. We didn't expect to find her a dress today. We were sure it would take a few times. She tried on several very pretty dresses. But none that had that "This is the one" feeling....until the last one. Near the end of the second appointment, after she'd pretty much ruled out A-line dresses and decided she preferred fit and flair, the consultant said, "Well I had one more dress pulled, but I hesitate to have you try it now because I don't think you'll like it since it's an A-line." She paused a minute and then said to Katelyn, "You know let's try it anyway. What do you say to one more?" Katelyn agreed to give it a shot even though, she told us later, she really didn't like it on the hanger. Well, she walked out in that dress, my breath caught and I started crying. She was stunningly beautiful! She turned and saw herself in the mirror and she started crying. Soon her friend and both bridal consultants were crying too. Several people in the store stopped to tell her how stunning and how radiant she looked, and that she absolutely had to buy the dress, because it was obviously made for her. It was a rather overwhelming a moment. As we talked about alterations that would be needed I could see that the price was weighing heavily on her, as it was more than we had planned. I tried to reassure her that it would be fine, that we'd figure out how to cut costs elsewhere. And then the sweetest thing happened. An older woman, shopping for a dress for her daughter's wedding, came over to the two of us. She looked at Katelyn and asked if she could please say something to her. She told her that it was apparent to everyone how much Katelyn loved that dress, that it was obvious that it was the one. And then she told us that she felt so strongly about it, that if it was okay, she wanted to give us $100 toward the purchase of the dress. We all burst into tears all over again. We were so stunned and overwhelmed by her generosity and sweetness, and it was a gesture that allowed Katelyn to let go of her hesitation and embrace this dress. We tried to get her name and address so that we could send her an invitation, but she declined and just asked us to pay it forward some day. We both hugged her a few times before we left the store. This sweet woman made an already unforgettable day and experience all the sweeter and more memorable. It is all so very real now. My baby girl is getting married!! And she has the dress!!

PS This is obviously NOT the dress we bought. You'll have to wait until the wedding day to see that one posted anywhere. :)

Life Continues

I have been about as good at keeping up a blog as I am at keeping up a journal - which is horrible, as evident from the two year gap. However, I have gotten a few promptings in recent weeks that it was time to give it a shot again. The question is, "Where to start?"

My last post was written shortly after my oldest left for his 2 year mission. He's now been home for a couple months. Much has happened in those two years: Number 1 served an honorable mission, The Girly graduated from high school & got a scholarship for 2 years at the local community college, and Stitch started high school, turned 16 and officially entered the dating world. There have been lots of laughs, tears, fun times, trials and changes - the most difficult change and trial coming just in the last few months.

My Dad died. My strong, tough, big hearted, invincible Dad....died.

He had been battling prostate cancer for nine years, but, until July, we always held out hope that he would beat it. In July we got the word that there was nothing left to do. Nothing that was slowing the rapid spread of the cancer. All we could do was take advantage of the time we had to spend with him, make sure nothing was left unsaid, and say our goodbyes. It was a blessing and torture all at the same time, as we watched him grow weaker, and more frail, and watched his pain increase.

In August we made the decision to call Number 1's mission president and have him come home from his mission two weeks early. Dad had promised him that he would be here when Number 1 returned, but Dad was burdened by the fear that he wouldn't be able to keep that promise. The relief that washed over him when his grandson walked in to surprise him, still wearing his missionary suit and badge, is a gift I am grateful we could give him. I've never seen him cry the way he did that day. It's a moment I will never forget.

The last three days and nights of his life I spent almost constantly at his side, as my stepmother, siblings, mom and I kept vigil. There was a steady stream of family and friends coming to say their farewells. We drew strength from each other as we struggled to prepare our selves for what we knew would quickly be upon us.

I prayed a lot...in my heart, throughout the days. I knew that he was going somewhere that he would be free of pain, and could finally find peace from the torment he inflicted on himself. I knew he would be greeted by loved ones. I knew this was not "goodbye", but "see you later" -- but my heart was breaking. It physically hurt to think of him not being here.

The last four hours of his life were pure agony to watch. I was certain that I would never be able to erase from my mind the sound of his tortured breathing as his lungs filled with fluid. There came a point that I had to leave the room - had to try to muffle the sound with the noise of the fan and the air conditioner in the next room. I pleaded with Heavenly Father to end it -- and when it continued, I started to ask why, what could be the purpose of prolonging it? When I thought I couldn't possibly stand another second, a thought came to my mind. The Savior felt this pain. My pain. My father's pain. The pain of all the world. He did it so that He would understand me, and what I would need to help me endure it, because He loves me. And then I thought of my Heavenly Father. How He must ache watching His children suffer through trials.  How He must have longed to flee to the farthest point in the universe to escape watching the unfathomable agony His perfect son chose to suffer for each of us. Did His heart ache far worse than mine, knowing that He could end His son's suffering, but that if He did His other children would be lost? It must have! At that moment I knew that our family was not forgotten. The Father and the Savior were keenly aware of our suffering, and were there to strengthen and to succor each of us.

I have continued to feel their love and strength in the weeks since. They bring peace to my heart, that I WILL see my father again, and that, though I can't see him, he's not far away. I am grateful to know that they love me, and know me and what I need. There have been tender mercies to remind me of their love, and to help me feel how close my father still is. I am truly grateful to my Savior, for choosing to endure what He did, and to my Father for allowing it to happen, so that if I strive to live as they ask,  I can return to live with them again some day.....And grateful to know that when my time comes, my Dad will be there to meet me, and wrap me up in one of his great big hugs.

Extended Family

What an amazing day! The chapel was filled for Christopher's farewell talk. It felt so wonderful to be surrounded by family and friends that we consider family. When Bro. Gavin from the stake high council spoke he commented that one of the best indications there is of how well a missionary will do in the field is the amount of support that he receives from home, and that based on the number of people crammed into the chapel to be there for Christopher, he would do very well. He also spoke of the amazing ward that Christopher grew up in, and the tremendous influence the people of that ward had on him. He was absolutely right about that. The interesting twist is that he assumed the ward Christopher grew up in is the ward in which we live now. He assumed that all the extra people in the chapel today were primarily our (biological) family. What he didn't realize is that most of the extra people at church today are from the ward where Christopher did most of his growing up. The ward where he started as a toddler and left as a teen. The ward that truly became family to us. Many of us have moved to other wards now, but we have stayed a family. They are the people who have had our backs, laughed with us, cried with us and been through every kind of thick and thin for the past 16 years. And they were there today, to continue showing there love and support of our family. I was overjoyed to have them all there, and grateful for the blessing of having them in our lives and helping us raise our children.


Now, so you don't get the wrong idea, and think that I am somehow dismissing the influence and amazingness of our ward now, I want to say this....It was tremendously hard to leave our last ward, we were certain we could never find another group of people as great as the ones we were leaving, but we were wrong. Bro. Gavin wasn't wrong when he spoke of what tremendous people they are. This ward too has been an incredible blessing and support to our family. We have made great knew friends, and they have been great influences on and examples to us for the past 5 years. I commented to a sister at church today that if we could somehow merge our old ward and our new ward, we would be an unstoppable force for good. I think that would be pretty darn close to heaven for me.

So sitting in church today with members of the family I grew up in, and then surrounded by members of the family I have acquired over the past 16 years, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude to my Heavenly Father for filling our life with so many people who love and care for us, for extending our family to include so many. I truly hope that in the next life we all get to live close to each other, because I can't imagine eternity without all of the people who make this life so good.

Mother's Day

I have been sitting here for half an hour just staring at the computer screen. It's Mother's Day...and I want to pay tribute to my wonderful mother. But how on earth do I ever put into words just what she means to me?  Growing up she was everything to me. I always knew that I was loved beyond measure. I knew that, no matter what I did, her love was unconditional and unwavering. I could talk to her about anything and everything...and I did.  She always seemed to sense when I needed a friend, and when I needed a mom. 

         When I was 10 or so, and we were living in Illinois, I started recieveing monthly gifts and cards from a Secret Pal. I even received a few after we moved to California. I'm surprised I never recognized her handwriting at the time, but several months after the gifts stopped, as I was looking for something in one of her drawers, I found a couple leftover Secret Pal cards.  I didn't tell her that I had found them. She had meant it to be a secret and I didn't want to spoil it.  I have tresured those gifts even more though, because I knew they came from my sweet mother, who wanted to do something to make her daughter feel extra special. 

I loved the days when she would come into my room in the morning to wake me up, and then tell me that I didn't look well, and that if I didn't have any test or papers due at school I should probably stay home and rest.  Ofcourse, we never rested on those days. That was Mom's code for "You could use a mental health day and some shopping therapy." 

I loved hanging out with my mother...I still do!  She's fun and funny, and still one of the best listeners and sounding boards, personal cheerleaders and friends any girl could ask for.  No one could ever accuse her of being selfish or unwilling to sacrifice for her family.  She set the perfect example of unconditional love for her children.

I am proud to be her daughter.  I am grateful for the countless lessons that she taught me on how to be a good mom and a good person.  She deserves so much more praise than this little blog post and my meager skills with words can express.  I have truly been blessed to be raised by such a wonderful mother.

Christmas Surprises

I love it when I actually manage to surprise people with the gift they recieve, especially my kids.  This year the hubby and I managed to surprise each of them with something they were convinced that they wouldn't be recieving because of the cost. Stitch was so stunned he even cried. That's right, my 13 year old boy cried for happiness and shock.  I have pictures to prove it!! (but I promised not to make them public :))  The trash pile was smaller this year than some in the past (we went for quality rather than quantity), but that didn't matter. It was a wonderful day!

Here are my adorable children in their Christmas pjs.

(They're such hams in front of the camera - always have been!)

(Number One, me, father-in-law, hubby, mother-in-law,

sister-in-law, The Girlie, Stitch, Shasta)

The mess after opening.

Picture's not the greatest because of the sun coming through a high window, but man it was fun to watch my hubby push the button on the camera and then run down the stairs (several times) and jump over the trash pile to get in the picture.

Me and my brother David.

We don't always get to see him at Christmas...and for awhile we weren't sure it would happen this year. I am very grateful to my wonderful mother-in-law and sister-in-law who gave him a ride over with them so that he could be here.

Mom and David.

He is always so happy to be with her.