A thicker skin

I am fairly new to the world of striving to be an informed and politically active citizen. I spent far too long being innattentive and over trusting of the repesentatives I voted for. That all change about a year and a 1/2 ago. I work harder to be informed and to be braver about speaking my mind. Now I need to work on developing a thicker skin. Everywhere I look in the media, people like me are being called racists, hate-mongers, crazy, & gun-toting religious zealots. And because our grassroots protests are against the administration rather than for it, our voices are being dismissed. We are accused of merely being "astroturf", paid by big business to cause problems for the administration. Earlier this week all those names really got to me and sent me on a rant on my facebook page. That post spurred over 50 comments.

I've learned that if I'm going to keep speaking out, I have to toughen up. I've learned to do that where my religion is concerned, because I've been dealing with those misconceptions, false accusations and ridicule most of my life. I can pretty much blow those off now. I'm not there yet when it comes to politics. Maybe because I feel like I'm still learning. I know what feels right and wrong, but I'm still working on gathering the facts to back those instincts up. And since my memory for names and dates and details has never been fabulous, I lack confidence in my ability to present an intelligent, fact based argument. But I'm not going back to being part of the uniformed, and silent. (Though I'm sure there are members of my family that wish I would at least go back to being silent.)

It's the water inside the boat that sinks it.

"I apprehend no danger to our country from a foreign foe ... Our destruction, should it come at all, will be from another quarter. -- From the inattention of the people to the concerns of their government, from their carelessness and negligence, I must confess that I do apprehend some danger. I fear that they may place too implicit a confidence in their public servants, and fail properly to scrutinize their conduct; that in this way they may be made the dupes of designing men, and become the instruments of their own undoing. Make them intelligent, and they will be vigilant; give them the means of detecting the wrong, and they will apply the remedy."~ Daniel Webster (June1,1837)

I admit there are foes outside the country that I fear, but I am far more terrified of the foes within, because, as Representative Trent Franks stated the other night, at the town hall meeting I attended,"It is the water inside the boat that sinks it." We have far more to fear, at this point in history, from the enemies within our country who are trying to fundamentally change who we are as a nation, to change us from a democratic republic to a socialist one. I used to be one of those who was inattentive, and too confident that my repesentatives would never do anything to dismantle the foundation our founding fathers laid for us. I'm not inattentive anymore!! Mr Franks earned a degree of respect and trust from me last night, but I'll still be watching closely, I will never have implicit trust in a public servant again.

I want my children to see their mother as a woman who is politically informed, active and willing to speak to up. I want to be an example to them, so that they will never make the mistake that I did of being complacent and inattentive. That they question everything their government is doing to insure that they understand it, and know when they need to speak up in dissent. I LOVE my country, but I worry that if not enough of us wake up, and SPEAK up, my children will inherit a country that is nothing like the free country I grew up in.

I'm a Dork

Okay, I've decided I'm going senile....that or I'm just a complete dork!! Remember my little rant "Pass the Ibuprofen"? You know.....the one where I complain about not having a logical curriculum guide for teaching 1st grade math?! Well my wonderful sister-in-law posted a comment with a link that completely lays out a scope and sequence for math at all grade levels, complete with lesson plans.....And she's going to get copies of some materials, and ordering info for other materials that go with the lesson plans I need. You see, SHE IS A FIRST GRADE TEACHER!..... A fact that apparently completely slipped my mind during my ranting and stressing out the past two weeks! Soooo, as I stated at the beginning, I have come to the conclusion I'm either senile or a total dork....because any NORMAL person would have thought to call her right away.

So thanks M for saving my keester, and making my school year a lot less stressful! I love ya! You are just more proof that I married very well!

The Joy of Rain

As we were preparing to leave a farewell gathering for our friend Sarah (off to BYU), it started to rain. And then as we drove home it started to POUR!! It was wonderful!! There was lightning all around us...beautiful, bright lightening! Rain is such a scarce thing around here, and lightning storms so beautiful, that they often draw people out of there homes...to watch, and marvel, soak in the moisture, and breathe in the clean, refreshing smell of rain. Lightening storms are near the top of the list of reasons I love Arizona.....and one of the many wonders of nature that truly bring me joy.

Connecting through technology...

Have I mentioned that I LOVE Facebook?! I love that I have found old friends I haven't seen in years....decades even. I love that I have more regular contact with friends and family that don't live close. And I love that I have been able to strengthen new friendships through chatter online. I feel more connected to all the people I don't get to see on a daily basis....and that makes me happy!

Number One

My firstborn, here to be called Number One, is feeling a bit left out because he is the only one in the family that has not yet been blogged about. So here goes....

Where do I start? He was the child who introduced me to motherhood, and hence, taught me the meaning of true, instant, unconditional love. I saw a plaque once that read: I never believed in love at first sight until the day that you were born. That is how I felt when I first saw him. I always thought I understood how much my parents loved me, until the moment the doctor laid him on my chest...and I realized that until that very moment I really hadn't had the slightest clue. No amount of imagining comes anywhere close to that feeling.

As far as babies go, and even toddlers, he was darn near perfect. Hated to be dirty, wouldn't put things in his mouth that didn't belong there, didn't like climbing or anything else too adventurous or dangerous, and only had to be told once to stay out of the kitchen cupboards. He was almost too good. He got over it! Ha, Ha

He is a senior in high school this year. Totally scary. He and I,...oh, and Dad too...have gone through some struggles to get him here. School does not come as easily to him as it did to me, and there were a few years in elementary school that I thought it might kill us both, but he keeps plugging along.

He is creative and funny. Loves art and humor, dragons and kokopellis. And, as became very apparent to us at his 17th birthday party, where he and his friends were making s'mores and singing showtimes, he's a theater geek. Interesting how kids end up with such different interests than their parents. But then, my Grammie did community theater...he must get that from her. (sudden epiphany on that one)

I'm not sure what career field he'll head into, not sure he's certain either, but this I know...he will be a good dad! He has so much patience with little kids....always has....and they just seem to love him. He'll be one of those dad that's always playing with the kids, because he'll always be a bit of a kid at heart.

He's a good kid with a good heart!....a gentleman....even a good brother....when he feels so inclined. (hee,hee) And he's not too grown or embarrased to kiss his mother goodbye in public. (gotta give him extra credit for that) Overall, I'd say I got pretty lucky in the kid department...and it all started with Number One.

Sleepless In Peoria

It is 6:15 on a Saturday morning. I should be upstairs, dreaming peacefully, enjoying the chance to sleep in...but I'm not. It's not that I'm not tired, as a matter of fact, I'm yawning as I write this, but for some stupid reason my body has decided it is finished sleeping...and has been for a good 40 minutes. This might not be so bad if I had gone to bed at 9:00 last night, but my eyelids didn't get droopy until after 11:00.

I have been a night person for as long as I can remember. Even now, most nights I would have no problem staying up 'til midnight or later. During the summers I still occassionally do. On those nights I usually tell myself I have to go to bed, rather than my body telling me it needs to sleep.

The problem is, that over the years I have been forced to become more of a morning person as well. I understand that it is necessary that I be up early during the week, and that I be functional as well....but it would be far easier to do if I could sleep more than 5 or 6 hours!!!! And on the weekends, when I COULD sleep in I SHOULD be able to!! But NOOOOO!!!!

It should be biologically impossible to be both a night person AND a morning person! RIGHT?!! I mean seriously!!!

I must be genetically flawed somehow!! Just one more annowing trait that I have inherited, like the thick eyebrows and mustache that I've had since high school, and the chin hairs that started a decade ago. Oh, and then there's the fact that I'm still dealing with zits while at the same time battling wrinkles....How unfair is that!!! Bad joints, veiny legs, and the tendency to make wierd noises as I'm falling asleep....just some of the things I owe to my DNA.

And now...I don't sleep!

I'd try to delude myself, and say that it will get better, but I know how well my mom sleeps at night....and I'm doomed! I will just be perpetually tired for the rest of my life!

Pass the Ibuprofen!

My brain hurts!! "Why?" you ask. Before I answer that question, let me just repeat that I am grateful to have a job.....really! Having said that, my job may just give me migraines this year. I'm teaching reading again this year, without any set curriculum, so I have to come up with my own. Well, I did that last year and I'm teaching the same level again so I'm not too stressed. It's phonics and early reading skills....I have a few different programs to draw from and a basic plan that I tweek as I need to as I go along. More work than having a curriculum all laid out for you with lesson plans and all.....but doable.

The reason for the brain pain is that I am also teaching math this year. Should be easy right?...Just go through the math book, teach the lessons in order, and supplement where needed. No such luck!! There IS a math program to use...it consists of about 7 different binders...one for counting, one for addition, one for subtraction, etc. It's a program I haven't used before. I asked in what order the binders should be taught. I was told that there isn't any particular order, that I should move around from binder to binder however I like.

HOWEVER I LIKE????!!! Seriously??!!

I know there has to be some logical order to how the skills should be taught...some spiraling sequence which builds one skill upon another...but I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!! I haven't taught first grade math before!!!! I've been searching the interenet for some general outline that I can use, but the few outlines I've found are a bit toooo general!! I'm starting to feel a sharp stabbing pain behind my left eye!!

My Stitch

This is my youngest. In a few short months he will be a teenager (which means I was 12 when he was born - hehe). He is a Scorpio, but really should have been a Gemini.....because there are two different personalities living in that adorable head of his. If he were a Disney character he would be Stitch. Ironically enough, Stitch is his favorite...perhaps because he identifies with him. You see, Stitch can be sweet and good, albeit a bit mischievious,....a good friend. But Stitch can also be a monster, leaving chaos in his wake.

My Stitch is a bit like that. The quintessential little brother, he knows how to push EVERY button to get a rise out his siblings (and his parents). His favorite activity as a toddler was to drag his older sister through the house by her collar, giggling and laughing as she cried and screamed. He has a short fuse...quick to get angry. And he will argue about anything and EVERYTHING!!

But my Stitch has a BIG heart. He was the best cuddler and snuggler as an infant and toddler....and always the one most likely to break away from playing to give me a spontaneous hug and "I love you." He is incredibly compassionate, and a loyal friend. He is bright and funny. He thinks deeply about things, and surprises me at times with his insights. He stands up for what is right, defends the underdog and befriends the outcast. He is unafraid to talk about the gospel with others....and speaks to them in terms of it being fact, not just belief. He is going to be an awesome missionary.

Yes there are times I think I will pull out all my hair in exasperation dealing with his monster side...But I am always incredibly grateful and proud to be his mom...because the big hearted, other side of him more than makes up for the exasperation.

Another Summer Gone

I start back to work on Wednesday....sigh....and though I am VERY grateful to have a job, and am really looking forward to getting a paycheck again, I'm not ready. It's too soon. You see I had this plan, a list, of all the things I was going to accomplish this summer.....and I'm not done! This shouldn't surprise me, because I NEVER finish the list, but every summer I'm so hopeful that this will be the year.

• I haven't read a book in two months....should have managed to read at least 3 or 4.
• I haven't scrapbooked, beaded, or done any family history research.....though I planned to do each at least a few hours a week.
• I haven't painted the bathrooms.....but I bought the paint for one.
• I didn't deep clean the house from top to bottom....barely kept it decent enough for company.
• Never had lunch with three friends that I meant to.
• Never finished the food storage inventory or reworked the menu.

I could thoroughly depress myself by continuing this list!! So maybe it's time to think about what I DID accomplish.

• I painted the kitchen and family room in a shade of light periwinkle blue....that I absolutely love.
• I cropped a bunch of pants into shorts for the kids.
• Helped to purge and clean the kids bedrooms.
• Went on a vacation to San Diego where I got to relax with the family.
• Had some good conversations with my kids.
• Went to girls camp.
• Made new friends & strengthened old friendships.
• Started a blog.
• Got a Facebook page.
• Learned to text.
• Saw Wicked!
• Went to my first midnight movie showing (Harry Potter -- awesome).
• Tried a new recipe.
• Started journaling online.
• Got some family photos hung on the wall.
• AND started an exercise routine that I have actually stuck to and will be able to continue even when work starts.

That list makes me feel better. Maybe it's time to start keeping better track of the things I do get done instead of just the things I don't. I'm thinking if it's not on the list, but I do it, I should write it on the list and then cross it off!!

How often in life do we focus on the things we don't get done....focus on our weaknesses, instead of giving ourselves credit for all that we do, and do well. We, especially women, tend to be our own worst critics. Why is that? Why is it easier to see the bad in ourselves than the good? I know that we should be humble, but surely it's possible to be humble and still recognize our own worth and talent, and give ourselves a pat on the back once in awhile. Maybe if we all made more of an effort to point out the good we see in each other, commend each other for jobs well done, maybe we'd start to see more of the good in ourselves. I for one think I'm gonna give it a try.