Come What May...

I can do all things...

2011-10-03T17:58:00.000-07:00

Last week I sat and listened to the General Relief Society broadcast to the women of the church. The concluding speaker was President Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the First Presidency of the church. He spoke of the flower the Forget-me-not, how simple and unpretentious it is, and how easily its beauty could be overlooked in a garden filled with larger, more intricate, and flashy flowers. Perhaps, he mused, that is where its name is derived – from a plea not to overlook it. He then tied this simple beautiful flower, with its five petals to five principals which we should strive not to overlook or forget.

Forget not:

…..to be patient with yourself

…..the difference between wise and foolish sacrifices

…..to be happy now

…..the why of the gospel

…..that the Lord loves you

He beautifully explained and expounded on each of these points, and as I took notes I felt that familiar warmth of the Spirit wash over me. At the same time thoughts flowed through my mind of events that have taken place in the last two months, and the last two years of my life…and the life of my family. As I pondered on the thoughts that came rushing in, I could see the particular importance that the principal of forgetting not to be happy now, and especially that of forgetting not that the Lord loves you have played in the last two years of my life.

The last two months have been rather emotional ones. They have been filled with highs and lows, beginnings and endings, and frightening unknowns looming before us. In the last two years, we have faced trials that I do not exaggerate in saying were some of my worst fears made reality. Trials which I was certain, if I ever had to face, would cause me to crumple under their weight and shatter into a million pieces. And for the first few days of those trials, I was sure they would do just that, but they didn’t. They drove me to me knees, pleading with my Heavenly Father to strengthen me, and guide me, and help me and my family to get through. My thoughts were filled with questions of Why this?, Why now?, and How will we ever survive this? I have not yet received answers to why (or perhaps I have just not recognized them yet), but the Lord showed me the how as He poured out peace and comfort and guidance. He provided me with the strength that I lacked on my own, and then showed me how to continue to find joy and laughter and happiness even in the midst of frightening trials. I learned for myself the truth of Phillipians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Because I know that it is only through Him that I, and my family, not only endured, but grew as individuals, and grew closer together. Faith and testimonies were deepened. I learned things about myself, and finally found the answers to why of previous trials, because I turned to the Lord for help through these trials. I don’t know that I can say I would choose to repeat the last two years, but I am grateful for the lessons that I learned from them.

I know that with the love of my Heavenly Father and of my Savior, Jesus Christ, and with the guidance of the Spirit I can do hard things…I can face any trial…and I can find joy in even the most difficult parts of the journey.

Extended Family

2011-08-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

What an amazing day! The chapel was filled for Christopher's farewell talk. It felt so wonderful to be surrounded by family and friends that we consider family. When Bro. Gavin from the stake high council spoke he commented that one of the best indications there is of how well a missionary will do in the field is the amount of support that he receives from home, and that based on the number of people crammed into the chapel to be there for Christopher, he would do very well. He also spoke of the amazing ward that Christopher grew up in, and the tremendous influence the people of that ward had on him. He was absolutely right about that. The interesting twist is that he assumed the ward Christopher grew up in is the ward in which we live now. He assumed that all the extra people in the chapel today were primarily our (biological) family. What he didn't realize is that most of the extra people at church today are from the ward where Christopher did most of his growing up. The ward where he started as a toddler and left as a teen. The ward that truly became family to us. Many of us have moved to other wards now, but we have stayed a family. They are the people who have had our backs, laughed with us, cried with us and been through every kind of thick and thin for the past 16 years. And they were there today, to continue showing there love and support of our family. I was overjoyed to have them all there, and grateful for the blessing of having them in our lives and helping us raise our children.

Now, so you don't get the wrong idea, and think that I am somehow dismissing the influence and amazingness of our ward now, I want to say this....It was tremendously hard to leave our last ward, we were certain we could never find another group of people as great as the ones we were leaving, but we were wrong. Bro. Gavin wasn't wrong when he spoke of what tremendous people they are. This ward too has been an incredible blessing and support to our family. We have made great knew friends, and they have been great influences on and examples to us for the past 5 years. I commented to a sister at church today that if we could somehow merge our old ward and our new ward, we would be an unstoppable force for good. I think that would be pretty darn close to heaven for me.

So sitting in church today with members of the family I grew up in, and then surrounded by members of the family I have acquired over the past 16 years, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude to my Heavenly Father for filling our life with so many people who love and care for us, for extending our family to include so many. I truly hope that in the next life we all get to live close to each other, because I can't imagine eternity without all of the people who make this life so good.

Working on Cleaning the Windows

2010-10-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

I got a couple of wake-up calls this week and have been doing some self examination. Not always a fun thing to do.

The first came last Saturday while listening to a talk given by President Thomas S. Monson, president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He opened by telling a story of a newlywed couple. Every morning the young wife would comment on the dinginess of the laundry being hung out to dry by the neighbor across the street. She would tell her husband that she didn't now how the neighbor was washing her clothes, but that she would be ashamed to hang out such dirty laundry. Then one morning as she looked out to see the neighbor hanging beautifully bright, clean clothes out on the line. She mused outloud about who must have finally taught the woman to launder the clothes properly. The husband then responded that he had gotten up early that morning, gone outside .... and washed the windows.

President Monson went on to admonish us not to pass judgement on others without first making sure that our own windows are clean. I've pondered a lot on that talk this week. As much as I like to tell myself that I try not to pass judgement on others, if I'm truly honest with myself, I know that I'm not as good at that as I'd like to think, especially when it comes to my siblings. Don't get me wrong, I love them all very much, and I'm proud to have grown up in the family that I did, but I'd be lying if I said I have great relationships with all my siblings. Sometimes our views on things are quite different. There have often been times I haven't agreed with choices they make or ways they choose to live their lives. I thought I did a better job of hiding those feelings than I evidently have, and have inadvertantly strained relationships with siblings. I don't take all the blame for tenuous relationships, we've all done our share of damage, but I'm finally admitting that I am not as blameless as I liked to think. I hope that's the first step to making things better. I'm not sure yet what the next step is, but I'm sure if I keep pondering and listening, the Lord will help me figure it out.

Another of my faults came clearly to the forefront this week. I nearly lost a friendship, at least I hope it was only nearly lost, and that we're on the path to fixing it. I have a tendency to get tunnel vision in my life, and not think about or notice things, or people, that don't directly and regularly cross my path. Or I think of them at times when I can't stop and call to let them know they are thought of. Pretty sad really. My tunnel vision kept me from seeing the struggles of a friend and left her feeling abandoned for a few months. Thinking about it all this week I'm sure that my tunnel vision has impacted my siblings and parents as well. Again, I hope that recognizing the problem is the first step in fixing it, and that the Lord will help me figure it all out.

It's been a little more self-realization than I was expecting this week. And it's left me feeling a bit drained....but also hopeful. Cleaning windows has never been my favorite job, but it sure will be nice to look through clean windows when they're done.

The Best Day of the Week

2010-09-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

I LOVE Sundays! I love going to church! Friends who aren't Mormon look at me like I'm nuts when I tell them we go to church for 3 hours every Sunday, but it's the best three hours of the week. I love being able to take the sacrament, to ask forgiveness for my missteps during the week and start fresh. To be reminded of what is truly important and recommit myself to try a little harder to be little better in the upcoming week. I love feeling the Spirit, hearing the testimonies of others, and participating in discussions about the gospel. I love it when something, some point of doctrine that seemed a little obscure before, suddenly comes into focus because the teacher or another member of the congregation explains it from a different perspective than I've heard before. And I love the feeling of support and fellowship that I get from being around others who believe the things that I do. I feel the difference in my week when I miss church and the uplift to my spirit that I get there.

Today in Sunday School we discussed Job and his unwavering faith in God, even when he had lost everything. His lands and wealth are gone, his children are dead, his wife is telling him to curse God, his friends have deserted him, and his skin is essentially rotting and yet he says: "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him. He also shall be my salvation: for an hypocrite shall not come before him." (Job 13:15-16) His life couldn't be any worse, and yet he holds firm to his faith. He refuses to curse God for the misery that he is in, because he KNOWS that one day he will stand before God and have to make an accounting of his life, and he refuses to face God as a hypocrite who did not live with the faith he professed. What an incredible example. It made me think about how well I live the things that I profess to believe. I want the faith and conviction of Job...to be able to say that when the time comes for me to face my Heavenly Father, that a hypocrite shall not stand before Him. I have some work to do.

Found: The Middle of Nowhere

2010-07-08T21:29:00.000-07:00

While on our way to San Diego, Stitch gets a text from his cousin: Where are you guys?

Stitch replys: You know that "middle of nowhere" that people talk about?

Not five minutes later we see a billboard on the side of the freeway, 1/2 mile before the Sentinel Rd exit:

Sentinel Exit

Historic Sites

Middle of Nowhere

No Joke!

Twenty Wonderful Years

2010-06-24T22:32:00.000-07:00

When we met I was 20 years old and had just finished my third year of college... he was barely 18 and finishing his senior year of high school. We started dating shortly after he graduated. I caught a lot of flack from my friends for robbing the cradle, but I'm glad that didn't sway me.

Three years later we married. I felt no fears or doubts that day...just perfect calm and assurance that I was marrying exactly who I was meant to...my perfect match. I have been grateful every day since that Heavenly Father brought him onto my life.

Truthfully, I often wonder if I really deserve him. He is often far more thoughtful than I. I am especially grateful for the laughter that he brings into my life, daily, and the fact that 20 years, 3 kids and ? pounds later, he still looks at me like I'm a hot 20 year old.

He's a very good man...and I love him with all my heart!

Bunches and bunches...forever and ever...promise.

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

I have been sitting here for half an hour just staring at the computer screen. It's Mother's Day...and I want to pay tribute to my wonderful mother. But how on earth do I ever put into words just what she means to me? Growing up she was everything to me. I always knew that I was loved beyond measure. I knew that, no matter what I did, her love was unconditional and unwavering. I could talk to her about anything and everything...and I did. She always seemed to sense when I needed a friend, and when I needed a mom.

When I was 10 or so, and we were living in Illinois, I started recieveing monthly gifts and cards from a Secret Pal. I even received a few after we moved to California. I'm surprised I never recognized her handwriting at the time, but several months after the gifts stopped, as I was looking for something in one of her drawers, I found a couple leftover Secret Pal cards. I didn't tell her that I had found them. She had meant it to be a secret and I didn't want to spoil it. I have tresured those gifts even more though, because I knew they came from my sweet mother, who wanted to do something to make her daughter feel extra special.

I loved the days when she would come into my room in the morning to wake me up, and then tell me that I didn't look well, and that if I didn't have any test or papers due at school I should probably stay home and rest. Ofcourse, we never rested on those days. That was Mom's code for "You could use a mental health day and some shopping therapy."

I loved hanging out with my mother...I still do! She's fun and funny, and still one of the best listeners and sounding boards, personal cheerleaders and friends any girl could ask for. No one could ever accuse her of being selfish or unwilling to sacrifice for her family. She set the perfect example of unconditional love for her children.

I am proud to be her daughter. I am grateful for the countless lessons that she taught me on how to be a good mom and a good person. She deserves so much more praise than this little blog post and my meager skills with words can express. I have truly been blessed to be raised by such a wonderful mother.

Divine Origins

2010-04-13T21:46:00.000-07:00

I spent Saturday, April 10th, in Glendale at American Revival, put on by Glenn Beck. It was 6 hours of learning and inspiration, and I've spent the last 2 1/2 days talking about it to anyone who would listen. My husband, my kids, my friends, my family....everyone. One friend asked, "You're going to blog about it right?" I said sure, and then started thinking, "How will I every be able to write everything I learned or convey even half the enthusiasm I have for all of it?" Well, there's just no way I can. So, for now, I'm going to talk about just the first speaker, and the validation he gave to a long time belief. ( I warn you that this is a long post, though it doesn't contain even a 1/4 of what I've learned in the past few days.)
My entire life I have been taught, not by teachers, but by my family and my church, that the founders of this country were men inspired by God in the writing of our founding documents. Further, I have always believed that the "separation of church and state" that so many have used as the reasoning for abolishing prayer, and scripture study in schools, and for trying to remove any mention of religious ideas from public places, is a gross misinterpretation of the intent of the founders. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I never went looking through the writings of the founders looking for proof of this, until recently, but I have always felt it to be true. I have found it very disheartening that so many seem bent on convincing the world that the founders were agnostics, atheists and deists, and that the constitution is a godless, secular document. So it was very exciting to me to sit and listen to, and see, evidence to the contrary.

The first speaker at Saturday's event was a man by the name of David Barton, a walking encyclopedia on the lives of the founders, and owner of the largest collection of writings by and about the founders, written prior to 1812. What an amazing man to sit and listen to. He shared story after story, and quote after quote, giving evidence of the deep religious beliefs of the signers of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, and of their attributing the writing of the Constitution to the influence of the Creator....and evidence that when they wrote, "Congress shall make no law regarding the ESTABLISHMENT of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof" they meant that government could not dictate what religion we practice, NOT that goverment was supposed to force all religion out of government and public forums. In fact the founders believed the opposite, that belief in the creator, and the practicing of religion were critical to the governing of this country. Here are a just a few quotes regarding this idea. (I have included detailed references where I have them.)

James Wilson
Signer of the Constitution

Far from being rivals or enemies, religion and law are twin sisters, friends, and mutual assistants. Indeed, these two sciences run into each other. The divine law, as discovered by reason and the moral sense, forms an essential part of both.

(Source: James Wilson, The Works of the Honourable James Wilson (Philadelphia: Bronson and Chauncey, 1804), Vol. I, p. 106.)

~

Jedediah Morse

Patriot and "Father of American Geography"

To the kindly influence of Christianity we owe that degree of civil freedom, and political and social happiness which mankind now enjoys. . . . Whenever the pillars of Christianity shall be overthrown, our present republican forms of government, and all blessings which flow from them, must fall with them.

(Source: Jedidiah Morse, A Sermon, Exhibiting the Present Dangers and Consequent Duties of the Citizens of the United States of America (Hartford: Hudson and Goodwin, 1799), p. 9.)

~

John Adams

Signer of the Declaration of Independence and Second President of the United States

[I]t is religion and morality alone which can establish the principles upon which freedom can securely stand. The only foundation of a free constitution is pure virtue.

(Source: John Adams, The Works of John Adams, Second President of the United States, Charles Francis Adams, editor (Boston: Little, Brown, 1854), Vol. IX, p. 401, to Zabdiel Adams on June 21, 1776.)

~

John Adams

The safety and propsperity of nations ultimately and essentially depend on the protection and the blessings of Almighty God, and the national acknowledgement of this truth is an indisputeable duty which the people owe to Him.

On January 21, 1781, Robert Aitken presented a "memorial" [petition] to Congress offering to print "a neat Edition of the Holy Scriptures for the use of schools." Prior to the American Revolution, the only English Bibles in the colonies were imported either from Europe or England. Publication of the Bible was regulated by the British government, and required a special license. Robert Aitken's Bible was the first known English-language Bible to be printed in America, and also the only Bible to receive Congressional approval.
(I first heard this from David Barton, & then found this paragraph on his website wallbuilders.com)

The signers not only believed in God, and were religious men (29 holding seminary or bible study degrees; several starting bible study societies; and others publishing the bible for distribution in the colonies), but they also called on God in prayer to help them in the writing of the constitution, and studied the bible together as well. Though I don't have the direct quote, one letter which Mr Barton showed to us was a letter from one of the Adams (I believe it was John) to his wife speaking of the a chapter in Psalms which the men had studied together, and it's influence both on him and the decisions made by the group that day.

Perhaps my favorite story was that told about Benjamin Franklin. After 5 weeks of the convention meeting and arguing about what system of government to model ours after, and getting nowhere, Mr. Frankilin wrote the following letter.

I have lived, Sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth, that God governs in the affairs of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without his aid? We have been assured, Sir, in the Sacred Writings, that "except the Lord build the House, they labor in vain that build it." I firmly believe this; and I also believe that without His concurring aid we shall succeed in this political building no better, than the Builders of Babel: We shall be divided by our partial local interests; our projects will be confounded, and we ourselves shall become a reproach and bye word down to future ages. And what is worse, mankind may hereafter from this unfortunate instance, despair of establishing governments by human wisdom and leave it to chance, war and conquest.

I therefore beg leave to move that henceforth prayers imploring the assistance of Heaven, and its blessings on our deliberations be held in this Assembly every morning before we proceed to business, and that one or more of the clergy of this city be requested to officiate in that service.

(Source: James Madison, The Records of the Federal Convention of 1787, Max Farrand, editor (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1911), Vol. I, pp. 450-452, June 28, 1787.)

He recognized the need for the guidance of the Almighty in this endeavor, and easily convinced the others of this need. They recessed for 3 days so that all could attend church services, and upon reconvening, thenceforth held prayer before beginning discussion. It was reported that the atmosphere drastically changed in the convention. Ten weeks later the constitution was written, and many of those involved have been quoted as crediting the assistance of God in it's writing. One of those men was George Washington, who said the following during his first inaugural address.

No people can be bound to acknowledge and adore the Invisible Hand which conducts the affairs of men more than those of the United States. Every step by which they have advanced to the character of an independent nation seems to have been distinguished by some token of providential agency; and in the important revolution just accomplished in the system of their united government the tranquil deliberations and voluntary consent of so many distinct communities from which the event has resulted can not be compared with the means by which most governments have been established without some return of pious gratitude, along with an humble anticipation of the future blessings which the past seem to presage.
I would add my AMEN!

We live in a blessed country, one established by God through good men who sought to do His will. I know this with all my heart. I also know that this country needs to return to its roots and restore itself to what it was meant to be, what it was established by God to be, or our decendents will never know true freedom.

I will leave you with one last quote, by Daniel Webster, an early American jurist and senator.

[I]f we and our posterity reject religious instruction and authority, violate the rules of eternal justice, trifle with the injunctions of morality, and recklessly destroy the political constitution which holds us together, no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may overwhelm us that shall bury all our glory in profound obscurity.

(Source: Daniel Webster, The Writings and Speeches of Daniel Webster (Boston: Little, Brown, & Company, 1903), Vol. XIII, p. 492. From "The Dignity and Importance of History," February 23, 1852.)

Heaven's Rejoicing

2010-03-08T06:51:00.000-08:00

I got to spend some time at the temple on Saturday. It was peaceful and calming, and a much needed boost to my spiritual batteries. We were there to be with two wonderful young friends as they went for the first time. As we stood in the celestial room, gathered in a half circle with their family and other friends, waiting to greet them and embrace them as the walked through the door, the thought came to me, "This must be what heaven is like." All of your friends and family, gathered and excited to know that you're coming. Waiting to embrace and welcome you home. I wonder who will be in my circle. Will they all be faces that I know, or will there be some ancestors that I haven't met?

Yesterday, we got a call that a friend in our old ward had died. He was a truck driver. He hadn't checked in with his wife Saturday night and by Sunday afternoon she was beyond worried. She and some friends contacted the police and several hours later they located his truck, parked at a truck stop in Kansas City. He had died sometime during the night. I thought of that circle in the temple again, and wondered about the one waiting for him. I attended a funeral during my first year teaching for the mother of one of my students. She had had a long battle with cancer. One of her children wrote a beautiful poem as tribute, and the last line has always stuck with me, "Heaven's rejoicing because Daria's back." Do you suppose they make a big announcement when someone is returning, or does word just quietly make its way to all who would want to know? However it happens, I'm sure there was rejoicing in heaven when they learned Doug was coming. He's a good man, who will be dearly missed here by many.

If you can read this, thank a teacher.

2010-01-30T09:38:00.000-08:00

Teachers are amazing people. (And though I am proud to be one of them, I'm not trying to toot my horn) I've just been amazed at how much they will go out of there way to not only help their students, but to help each other. I have gotten an amazing amount of support from the teachers I work with as I've struggled to get my feet under me this year. And I've been amazed to see how generous and giving this group of incredibly underpayed individuals can be. They are constantly reaching into their pockets to help others in need.

This week I was twice the recipient of teachers helping another teacher to supply her classroom. Two days ago I was given a very large box of math manipulatives, much needed in my classroom. I was told to take whatever I needed and pass along the rest. Today I was at a yard sale rummaging through a huge collection of books, obviously from a classroom library. The mother of the woman holding the yard sale saw my excitement and asked if I was a teacher. When I replied yes, and that I am working on building my library she told me she was sure her daughter would give me a deal. She did. She handed me a good size box, told me to cram in all the books I could....fill it to overflowing...and she would sell it to me for five dollars. I was thrilled! I just went from having only one shelf on my two shelf bookcase full, to having to ask for a bigger bookcase on Monday!!

The teachers I know and have worked with have proven to me over and over again that it takes a special breed of person to teach. You won't get rich or famous being a teacher. You may never recieve the appreciation and accolades you deserve. You'll put in long days and often take work home with you and never see a stitch of overtime pay. You'll be ignored, disrespected and even yelled at by some students and parents. You have to teach because you want to make a difference in a childs life, whether that child or his/her parents ever recognize that difference. You do it for those times when you see a child actually learn, and get excited about learning....for the handmade cards and pictures...and the association with amazing people. There are days I wish I never had to go back to work, and days I think I have the best job in the world. But everyday I am grateful for the people I work with. I learn from them constantly. They are the best!

Frailties of the written word

2010-01-08T20:43:00.000-08:00

     Written text can be an amazing thing. When crafted well it can take us to places we've never been... evoke great emotion...completely captivate us.  However, even the most gifted wordsmith cannot completely control the interpretation of his words. Each reader takes from text differently, based on what experience, belief or predjudice they bring to the table. Which is why two readers can have very different experiences with the same piece of text. No matter how talented the writer, there is always room for interpretation.

     Unfortunately this can make the written word a very flawed method of communication. Especially for those of us who are not especially gifted with the medium. Readers cannot hear the inflection or tone of voice of the writer. Cannot see their facial expressions. As a result things may be read into a text that never existed in the mind or heart of the writer. Inaccurate assumptions can be made and offences taken that were never intended. What seems obvious to one reader...completely unseen by another.

     So we must be cautious when using text to communicate. Cautious that the text we use is not overly sarcastic, or vague...unless we are certain that the reader knows us well enough to understand our intent, or give us the benefit of the doubt and ask for clarification if they are uncertain. As readers we need to remember that we cannot make hasty assumptions about what we read. We need to be slow to take offence, and willing to extend the benefit of the doubt until we can ask and learn whether our assumptions are accurate. If we don't we run the risk of damaging, or even ending, relationships for reasons that exist only in our own hearts and minds and not those of the writer.

I found more time.

2010-01-01T13:19:00.000-08:00

I figured out how to get that extra time I want, that I blogged about back in November (Can I have a day?). Apparently all I have to do is start working at the 99 cent store. :0)

Christmas Surprises

2009-12-30T22:03:00.000-08:00

I love it when I actually manage to surprise people with the gift they recieve, especially my kids. This year the hubby and I managed to surprise each of them with something they were convinced that they wouldn't be recieving because of the cost. Stitch was so stunned he even cried. That's right, my 13 year old boy cried for happiness and shock. I have pictures to prove it!! (but I promised not to make them public :)) The trash pile was smaller this year than some in the past (we went for quality rather than quantity), but that didn't matter. It was a wonderful day!

Here are my adorable children in their Christmas pjs.

(They're such hams in front of the camera - always have been!)

(Number One, me, father-in-law, hubby, mother-in-law,

sister-in-law, The Girlie, Stitch, Shasta)

The mess after opening.

Picture's not the greatest because of the sun coming through a high window, but man it was fun to watch my hubby push the button on the camera and then run down the stairs (several times) and jump over the trash pile to get in the picture.

Me and my brother David.

We don't always get to see him at Christmas...and for awhile we weren't sure it would happen this year. I am very grateful to my wonderful mother-in-law and sister-in-law who gave him a ride over with them so that he could be here.

Mom and David.

He is always so happy to be with her.

The Greatest Gift

2009-12-25T06:48:00.000-08:00

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

~ Isaiah 9:6

How grateful I am for the priceless gift given to the world on that first Christmas so many centuries ago. For the lessons taught and example set by the man that the blessed child grew to be. And how much more grateful I am for the gift He gave each of us with His suffering in Gethsemane, and His death on Calvary. For though His birth and life were miraculous and holy, it is His death that saved us all, and gave us the power to return again to that home from which we came, to dwell with Him and our Father, if we accept and take advantage of His tremendous gift of the atonement. I know that He lives. That He came. That He loves me. And I know that if I strive to live as He taught, I will have the blessing one day to thank Him in person.

May we all remember the gift we recieved on that first Christmas, not just today, but everyday that we live.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T09:58:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas Eve! Soon my husband and his sister will leave for their annual last minute shopping day. (I suspect they purposely leave a few things unpurchased just so they have the excuse to take off and spend the day together.) And soon my mother-in-law and I will begin preparing all the food for tomorrow. Several years ago we decided that the traditional Christmas dinner wasn't working for us. We were tired of spending the day cooking while everyone else enjoyed their new presents and sat around relaxing. So we changed the tradition. All the foods we have now can be prepared the day before, and the only cooking done on Christmas is done by the men.

Tomorrow after presents we will enjoy a brunch of omelets prepared by Brian and his dad. Then we will snack away the afternoon eating spinach dip & sourdough, cheeseball and crackers, chips, ranch dip and salsa, and a variety of baked goods and candies. For dinner we'll have tri-tip kabobs that have been soaked for at least 24 hours in the most delicious marinade ever, as well as lebanese tabouleh & pita bread, and rice pilaf. Again, the men barbeque so Mom and I only have to make the pilaf. It's a very yummy and relaxing day....last year I spent the whole day in my pajamas.

So yesterday, which was filled with baking and last minute gift making, and today that will be filled with wrapping and food prep, are rather hectic, but it's all worth it on Christmas day, when I can just enjoy being with my family and eating good food.

Happy Christmas Eve everyone!

I Can See.....from a different viewpoint.

2009-12-22T21:07:00.000-08:00

I got my first pair of glasses when I was a sophomore in high school. My Aunt Martha (better known to her nieces & nephews as Aunty Mousey....long story I won't get into now) was in town for a visit and went with Mom and I to pick them up. I didn't realize how out of focus things were until I put those glasses on. I was so excited about everything that I could suddenly see, at much further distances than I could before, that I read every sign and billboard I could on the way home. My aunty has told me several times over the ensuing years that that is one of her favorite memories of me.....seeing my excitement at being able to see clearly, and listening to me happily read signs all the way home. I always thought it was kinda funny that she got so much enjoyment out of that.

Tonight however, I got to have the same experience from her point of view. I went with my mom and nephew to pick up his new glasses. None of us realized until quite recently just how bad his vision has been. Well, when he put those new glasses on his face absolutely lit up. He looked around with this huge smile and said, "I can see again".....and then he proceeded to read every sign in the store, and every sign on the 10 mile drive home. I couldn't help but sit and grin at the excitement in his voice as he read the name of every store, restaurant, gas station and church that we passed. And I suddenly understood why Aunty Mousey enjoyed that memory so much. It's a joy to see someone you love so happy and filled with wonder. It is an experience I will always remember and a memory I will always enjoy.

Can I have a day?

2009-11-21T13:33:00.000-08:00

I want a day.......a day to just do what I WANT to do, not what I should do, or need to do.

It feels like every moment these days is filled with the shoulds and need to's....lesson plans, grocery shopping, shuttling kids, figuring out what the heck to have for dinner and when I'm gonna have time to cook it, fulfilling church callings, and my all time favorites...laundry and cleaning. With a mom who works full time at a job that can't always be left at the office, a dad working hard to stay afloat in a job threatening to be sunk by a bad economy, and three kids who insist on having extracurricular activities 4-5 nights a week, the house is rarely truly clean anymore. When it is we try to motivate everyone to clean as we go to keep it that way, but it never works out that way for long. So moments where I don't feel compelled to do a should or need to task are rare. And I seriously want one.

A day to sew....... the apron I cut out two weeks ago, or the bag that I'm going to make with the beautiful toile nativity fabric remnant I found, or the tote a friend at work asked for. A day to pull out my beads, or photos and scrapbook supplies, and see what inspires me. A day to spend on the computer researching family history and finding lost ancestors. A day to pull out the camera and go outside and experiment with it, taking pictures of whatever sparks my interest. Or a day to just get lost in book. Can I have one? Just one day to do that?

I may have to give myself one or two for Christmas.....Throw out the to do list, or at least "lose it" for a few days, and just do a thing or two, or three or four, that I really want. Ofcourse I've said that before. So here's hoping I find the nerve to really do it this time.......because all those need to's and shoulds will certainly still be there even if I ignore them for a couple days.

Happy Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T06:34:00.000-08:00

This picture is from April 15 of this year, at a Tax Day Tea Party that I went to at the state capital with my dad.

I was born a Navy brat. And though I officially remained one for only the first 19 years of my life, I will always be a Navy brat at heart.....and proud of it!! My father served his country for twenty years, including time in Viet Nam. Our family sacrificed so that he could serve. But I learned a love of country that I think is deeper because of that sacrifice.

No one serves in the military because they dream it will make them rich. And no one marries someone in the service because they dream of a life of ease. Military service demands sacrifice, from those enlisted and the people who love them. And to willingly make those sacrifices you have to love your country. I think that is a harder task these days. You have to be willing to lay down your life for principles that are under attack by our own government, and that fewer and fewer citizens seem to understand and truly believe in. Our military personnel and the job they are doing are too often misrepresented in the media, and they are too ill cared for when they get home.......if they get home.

Any man or woman who ever has or ever will put on the uniform of this country, to proudly serve and represent each of us and the flag worn on their sleeve, deserves the utmost respect, support, love and gratitiude that we can possibly give.

I am proud to be the daughter of a veteran.

I am proud to be a ctizen of this country.

And I am forever grateful to the men and women of our armed forces, as well as their families, for the sacrifices they make daily, so that my family can enjoy the freedoms that we do.

Happy Veteran's Day!!! May God bless and protect each of you!!

No more candid camera

2009-11-09T20:11:00.000-08:00

I love candid shots of my kids. Some of the best photos I have ever gotten of them are ones that were taken when they didn't know it......When someone managed to catch a priceless expression, or simply beautiful moment.

HOWEVER, I am hereby declaring that NO candid shots of ME are ever allowed again!!! EVER!!!! As I scrolled through another batch of digital photos to be downloaded from the camera tonight, I came across yet ANOTHER horrible picture of myself. My sweet husband seems to have a knack for catching me with my mouth open and some ridiculous expression on my face. And the angles he seems to shoot at make me look terrible. I mean I thought the camera was only supposed to add 10 pounds, not 20 or 30! UGH!! I am starting to understand why my mother always hid whenever a camera was in the room. SOOOOO.......unless I recieve warning that a picture is about to be taken, and am given time to at least TRY to pose in a more flattering manner, HEADS WILL ROLL!!! (Do you hear me Honey!!) I'd like for my grandchildren to have at least a few decent photos of their grandma to look at, so they don't think I was just some large, freakish, slug!

(And NO.....I'm not posting any examples for anyone to look at!!)

Painful Lessons

2009-11-07T06:21:00.000-08:00

When I was a Freshman in high school I broke my arm during gymnastics practice. No, not doing some really cool but dangerous stunt, just a simple tumbling pass. (I could go into a long explanation of why it was the wrestling teams fault for the way they put the mats back after their meet, but that's not really important to the story, so I won't...at least not anymore than I just did. :)). Anyway, the doctors couldn't set the bone and I had to have surgery to repair the break. When I woke up from surgery, and all the medication started to wear off, I was in excrutiating pain -- worse than when I broke it. I was sobbing, begging someone to make it stop. My poor father sat by my beside, holding my hand, with this devastated, heartbroken look on his face that let me know he would trade places with me in a heartbeat. (I think he even said it at one point.) That image of my sweet Daddy, hurting because I was hurting, has always stuck with me.

The other night, I got to feel that hurt for myself. The Girly came into our room at 2:30 in the morning, doubled over and crying from a pain in her hip. We laid her on the bed, trying to assess what was happening, asking for specifics on how and where it hurt. She was writhing on the bed, sobbing as the pain would periodically intensify. It didn't take long to determine that one of us had to get her to the hospital. Brian gave her a blessing as I got dressed to go. He tried to carry her downstairs and to the car, but that hurt worse, so we just supported her as best we could as she hobbled, doubled over, to the van. We put her in the back where she could lay down, and I started to the hospital as quick as I could without endangering our lives. She would periodically scream from the backseat, between the sobs that didn't stop. I thought my heart would break. A few times I started to cry, hoping she wouldn't notice since I was driving and it was dark, as I tried to be calm and reassure her that we would be there soon, and it would be okay. When we arrived and checked in they made us sit in the waiting room, her still crying out in pain. All I could do was hold her hand, speak calmly and lovingly to her, and remind her to breath. After about half an hour the pain started to subside to the point that she could bare it more easily, and talk to me again. After a few more hours it was gone. They never did figure out what it was. Just ruled out broken bones or kidney infection and sent us home.

I thought about my dad in that heartwrenching hour or so between when The Girly had come to the bedroom door and when the pain began to subside. About how he wanted to take my place when I was in pain. And about how I would have gladly, and instantly done the same for my daughter. And then I thought about my Heavenly Father and the Savior. How they must hurt as well when they see any of us in pain, physical or otherwise. But how they can take our pain from us. Maybe not always instantly, though I know that has happenend, because pain can help us to grow, and to an extent it is something we must all experience. But they can share it with us, carry some of it for us, carry us, and help us to heal. I think of the Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane. The anguish and suffering he endured, for me, for all of us. How The Father must have anguished as well as He wathched His son endure it. But He watched one child suffer, so that He could save all the rest. I don't know how He did it without hiding His face and covering His ears. But I know He did. And I'm grateful.

Inspiring music...

2009-10-11T13:03:00.000-07:00

I went to a Time Out for Women event this weekend where I had the opportunity to listen to Jenny Oaks Baker perform. She is a violinist who recieved her master's degree from Julliard, and played with the National Symphony for 7 years, before quitting to raise her family. I have often heard of her, but had never listened to any of her cds or heard her play. I now own two of her cds and intend to buy more.

I could never adequately describe the beauty of her playing. Her first two songs happened to be two of my favorite hymns: Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing and Be Still My Soul. I was so overwhelmed by the Spirit and the beauty of her playing that I couldn't help but weep. The emotion that she was able to pour into those pieces was astounding. How grateful I was to be able to witness and be blessed by her great talent.

A Serious Thing....

2009-10-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no "ordinary" people. You have never talked to a mere mortal." ~C.S. Lewis

I heard this quote for the first time about a year ago. It was shared by Laurel Christenson at a Time Out for Women and Girls event that I went to with The Girly and some of our friends. On that day Laurel invited a 14 year old girl and her mother up to the stage. She asked all of us in the audience to look at this young woman and see her for who she truly is.....a daughter of God, with infinite worth and potential.....a possible goddess. She asked us to try to see her through Heavenly Father's eyes. Then, she asked us to stand and applaud, and cheer this girl for the royal spark within her. We went nuts. That beautiful young girl recieved a standing ovation the likes of which I have never seen or been part of. And something truly amazing happened. You could see the change come over her as we cheered....the overwhelming realization that she truly was of infinite worth....and deserving of all the applause. We cheered and applauded and cheered some more. After several minutes we were asked to be seated so that Sis Christenson could speak to this young woman. She was overwhelmed, as was her mother watching the wave of emotion that overcame her daughter. It was an honor to be a part of that experience. I wish it was one that every young person could experience.....to be cheered for who they truly are and the potential within them.

I came across this quote again last night and that experience of a year ago came rushing back. I wanted to record it.... as a reminder to myself.....and a challenge....to myself and any of you who may choose to take it...to try to look at all we meet with different eyes. To see them for who they truly are....children of Deity and therefore possible gods and goddesses. How much different would we treat each other if we tried to do this on a daily basis, and to help each other towards reaching that full potential within us?

Friends

2009-09-15T20:30:00.000-07:00

"How good and glorious it has seemed unto me, to find pure and holy friends, who are faithful, just, and true, and whose hearts fail not; and whose knees are confirmed and do not falter, while they wait upon the Lord, in administering to my necessities..."

I found this quote from Joseph Smith while preparing a lesson for Relief Society last Sunday. I have been likewise blessed when it comes to friends.

So I share this quote in honor of my incredible friends, who bless my life with their strength, encouragement, and humor.

Surprise...he was listening!

2009-09-11T22:46:00.000-07:00

So every now and then a kid will totally surprise you. Just when you're convinced that they aren't listening to a thing, especially anything YOU are saying, they go and do something to prove you wrong.

I ran into my next door neighbor today at Target. Though we live right next door to each other we seem to hardly ever see each other. So, anyway, I stop to chat with her for a few minutes and catch up a bit. She mentioned to me how much she likes my boys, and what nice kids they are. She asks what I think about what is happening politically in our country, and I suggested there may not be time to discuss it there at Target considering my passionate feelings on the matter as of late. I told her my poor kids get an earful on a regular basis and because of that are far more informed about what is going on than I EVER was at their age.

Then she tells me that she actually had a 45 min conversation with my son the other day about the political craziness going on these days. And she says, "He is very smart, and really had a lot to say about all of it." So I ask, "Oh were you talking to [Stitch]?" Assuming it was him because he is the most vocal and inquisitive about politics. But she surprises me and tells me it was Number One. You could have blown me over. He usually seems pretty oblivious to those conversations, and isn't too vocal about his feelings or opinions about anything that's going on. Most of the time I feel like everything we say goes in one ear and out the other, not just about politics, but about most stuff. So I was thrilled to hear that he IS listening. And that someone else was impressed about his knowledge and ability to express it. It gives me hope that other things are sinking in as well. And it makes me very proud...I mean what parent doesn't love hearing how terrific their kids are?

My own post-it.

2009-09-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

I recieved my own post-it note this morning. A thoughtful reminder, from a loving daughter, that I can face any challenge with the Lord's help. I have been truly blessed. She is not just a wonderful daughter, but a good friend....and I love her to pieces.

Love is...leaving a post-it!

2009-09-04T08:14:00.000-07:00

Isn't it amazing the way that siblings can fight like cats & dogs and then turn and do something incredibly sweet and loving for one another?

For the past two school years The Girly and Stitch seemed to argue just about evey morning while getting ready for school. One always claimed that the other was being annoying. But when Stitch realized that he would be getting ready for school alone this year, because The Girly was starting high school and morning seminary, he was not happy. He told all of us that he was worried it was going to be lonely and wierd without her in the morning.

So The Girly began doing something very thoughtful, to make Stitch feel better about the situation. Every school day morning since school began, she has left him a post-it note stuck to the bathroom door. Little words of encouragement and love. Stitch is saving every one and tucking them in his journal. He looks so forward to them every morning.

It makes my heart feel good to see their love for each other...expressed through the giving and cherishing of little post-it notes.

A thicker skin

2009-08-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

I am fairly new to the world of striving to be an informed and politically active citizen. I spent far too long being innattentive and over trusting of the repesentatives I voted for. That all change about a year and a 1/2 ago. I work harder to be informed and to be braver about speaking my mind. Now I need to work on developing a thicker skin. Everywhere I look in the media, people like me are being called racists, hate-mongers, crazy, & gun-toting religious zealots. And because our grassroots protests are against the administration rather than for it, our voices are being dismissed. We are accused of merely being "astroturf", paid by big business to cause problems for the administration. Earlier this week all those names really got to me and sent me on a rant on my facebook page. That post spurred over 50 comments.

I've learned that if I'm going to keep speaking out, I have to toughen up. I've learned to do that where my religion is concerned, because I've been dealing with those misconceptions, false accusations and ridicule most of my life. I can pretty much blow those off now. I'm not there yet when it comes to politics. Maybe because I feel like I'm still learning. I know what feels right and wrong, but I'm still working on gathering the facts to back those instincts up. And since my memory for names and dates and details has never been fabulous, I lack confidence in my ability to present an intelligent, fact based argument. But I'm not going back to being part of the uniformed, and silent. (Though I'm sure there are members of my family that wish I would at least go back to being silent.)

It's the water inside the boat that sinks it.

2009-08-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

"I apprehend no danger to our country from a foreign foe ... Our destruction, should it come at all, will be from another quarter. -- From the inattention of the people to the concerns of their government, from their carelessness and negligence, I must confess that I do apprehend some danger. I fear that they may place too implicit a confidence in their public servants, and fail properly to scrutinize their conduct; that in this way they may be made the dupes of designing men, and become the instruments of their own undoing. Make them intelligent, and they will be vigilant; give them the means of detecting the wrong, and they will apply the remedy."~ Daniel Webster (June1,1837)

I admit there are foes outside the country that I fear, but I am far more terrified of the foes within, because, as Representative Trent Franks stated the other night, at the town hall meeting I attended,"It is the water inside the boat that sinks it." We have far more to fear, at this point in history, from the enemies within our country who are trying to fundamentally change who we are as a nation, to change us from a democratic republic to a socialist one. I used to be one of those who was inattentive, and too confident that my repesentatives would never do anything to dismantle the foundation our founding fathers laid for us. I'm not inattentive anymore!! Mr Franks earned a degree of respect and trust from me last night, but I'll still be watching closely, I will never have implicit trust in a public servant again.

I want my children to see their mother as a woman who is politically informed, active and willing to speak to up. I want to be an example to them, so that they will never make the mistake that I did of being complacent and inattentive. That they question everything their government is doing to insure that they understand it, and know when they need to speak up in dissent. I LOVE my country, but I worry that if not enough of us wake up, and SPEAK up, my children will inherit a country that is nothing like the free country I grew up in.

I'm a Dork

2009-08-24T15:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've decided I'm going senile....that or I'm just a complete dork!! Remember my little rant "Pass the Ibuprofen"? You know.....the one where I complain about not having a logical curriculum guide for teaching 1st grade math?! Well my wonderful sister-in-law posted a comment with a link that completely lays out a scope and sequence for math at all grade levels, complete with lesson plans.....And she's going to get copies of some materials, and ordering info for other materials that go with the lesson plans I need. You see, SHE IS A FIRST GRADE TEACHER!..... A fact that apparently completely slipped my mind during my ranting and stressing out the past two weeks! Soooo, as I stated at the beginning, I have come to the conclusion I'm either senile or a total dork....because any NORMAL person would have thought to call her right away.

So thanks M for saving my keester, and making my school year a lot less stressful! I love ya! You are just more proof that I married very well!

The Joy of Rain

2009-08-21T21:49:00.000-07:00

As we were preparing to leave a farewell gathering for our friend Sarah (off to BYU), it started to rain. And then as we drove home it started to POUR!! It was wonderful!! There was lightning all around us...beautiful, bright lightening! Rain is such a scarce thing around here, and lightning storms so beautiful, that they often draw people out of there homes...to watch, and marvel, soak in the moisture, and breathe in the clean, refreshing smell of rain. Lightening storms are near the top of the list of reasons I love Arizona.....and one of the many wonders of nature that truly bring me joy.

Connecting through technology...

2009-08-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that I LOVE Facebook?! I love that I have found old friends I haven't seen in years....decades even. I love that I have more regular contact with friends and family that don't live close. And I love that I have been able to strengthen new friendships through chatter online. I feel more connected to all the people I don't get to see on a daily basis....and that makes me happy!

Number One

2009-08-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

My firstborn, here to be called Number One, is feeling a bit left out because he is the only one in the family that has not yet been blogged about. So here goes....

Where do I start? He was the child who introduced me to motherhood, and hence, taught me the meaning of true, instant, unconditional love. I saw a plaque once that read: I never believed in love at first sight until the day that you were born. That is how I felt when I first saw him. I always thought I understood how much my parents loved me, until the moment the doctor laid him on my chest...and I realized that until that very moment I really hadn't had the slightest clue. No amount of imagining comes anywhere close to that feeling.

As far as babies go, and even toddlers, he was darn near perfect. Hated to be dirty, wouldn't put things in his mouth that didn't belong there, didn't like climbing or anything else too adventurous or dangerous, and only had to be told once to stay out of the kitchen cupboards. He was almost too good. He got over it! Ha, Ha

He is a senior in high school this year. Totally scary. He and I,...oh, and Dad too...have gone through some struggles to get him here. School does not come as easily to him as it did to me, and there were a few years in elementary school that I thought it might kill us both, but he keeps plugging along.

He is creative and funny. Loves art and humor, dragons and kokopellis. And, as became very apparent to us at his 17th birthday party, where he and his friends were making s'mores and singing showtimes, he's a theater geek. Interesting how kids end up with such different interests than their parents. But then, my Grammie did community theater...he must get that from her. (sudden epiphany on that one)

I'm not sure what career field he'll head into, not sure he's certain either, but this I know...he will be a good dad! He has so much patience with little kids....always has....and they just seem to love him. He'll be one of those dad that's always playing with the kids, because he'll always be a bit of a kid at heart.

He's a good kid with a good heart!....a gentleman....even a good brother....when he feels so inclined. (hee,hee) And he's not too grown or embarrased to kiss his mother goodbye in public. (gotta give him extra credit for that) Overall, I'd say I got pretty lucky in the kid department...and it all started with Number One.

Sleepless In Peoria

2009-08-15T06:17:00.000-07:00

It is 6:15 on a Saturday morning. I should be upstairs, dreaming peacefully, enjoying the chance to sleep in...but I'm not. It's not that I'm not tired, as a matter of fact, I'm yawning as I write this, but for some stupid reason my body has decided it is finished sleeping...and has been for a good 40 minutes. This might not be so bad if I had gone to bed at 9:00 last night, but my eyelids didn't get droopy until after 11:00.

I have been a night person for as long as I can remember. Even now, most nights I would have no problem staying up 'til midnight or later. During the summers I still occassionally do. On those nights I usually tell myself I have to go to bed, rather than my body telling me it needs to sleep.

The problem is, that over the years I have been forced to become more of a morning person as well. I understand that it is necessary that I be up early during the week, and that I be functional as well....but it would be far easier to do if I could sleep more than 5 or 6 hours!!!! And on the weekends, when I COULD sleep in I SHOULD be able to!! But NOOOOO!!!!

It should be biologically impossible to be both a night person AND a morning person! RIGHT?!! I mean seriously!!!

I must be genetically flawed somehow!! Just one more annowing trait that I have inherited, like the thick eyebrows and mustache that I've had since high school, and the chin hairs that started a decade ago. Oh, and then there's the fact that I'm still dealing with zits while at the same time battling wrinkles....How unfair is that!!! Bad joints, veiny legs, and the tendency to make wierd noises as I'm falling asleep....just some of the things I owe to my DNA.

And now...I don't sleep!

I'd try to delude myself, and say that it will get better, but I know how well my mom sleeps at night....and I'm doomed! I will just be perpetually tired for the rest of my life!

Pass the Ibuprofen!

2009-08-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

My brain hurts!! "Why?" you ask. Before I answer that question, let me just repeat that I am grateful to have a job.....really! Having said that, my job may just give me migraines this year. I'm teaching reading again this year, without any set curriculum, so I have to come up with my own. Well, I did that last year and I'm teaching the same level again so I'm not too stressed. It's phonics and early reading skills....I have a few different programs to draw from and a basic plan that I tweek as I need to as I go along. More work than having a curriculum all laid out for you with lesson plans and all.....but doable.

The reason for the brain pain is that I am also teaching math this year. Should be easy right?...Just go through the math book, teach the lessons in order, and supplement where needed. No such luck!! There IS a math program to use...it consists of about 7 different binders...one for counting, one for addition, one for subtraction, etc. It's a program I haven't used before. I asked in what order the binders should be taught. I was told that there isn't any particular order, that I should move around from binder to binder however I like.

HOWEVER I LIKE????!!! Seriously??!!

I know there has to be some logical order to how the skills should be taught...some spiraling sequence which builds one skill upon another...but I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!! I haven't taught first grade math before!!!! I've been searching the interenet for some general outline that I can use, but the few outlines I've found are a bit toooo general!! I'm starting to feel a sharp stabbing pain behind my left eye!!

My Stitch

2009-08-07T19:36:00.000-07:00

This is my youngest. In a few short months he will be a teenager (which means I was 12 when he was born - hehe). He is a Scorpio, but really should have been a Gemini.....because there are two different personalities living in that adorable head of his. If he were a Disney character he would be Stitch. Ironically enough, Stitch is his favorite...perhaps because he identifies with him. You see, Stitch can be sweet and good, albeit a bit mischievious,....a good friend. But Stitch can also be a monster, leaving chaos in his wake.

My Stitch is a bit like that. The quintessential little brother, he knows how to push EVERY button to get a rise out his siblings (and his parents). His favorite activity as a toddler was to drag his older sister through the house by her collar, giggling and laughing as she cried and screamed. He has a short fuse...quick to get angry. And he will argue about anything and EVERYTHING!!

But my Stitch has a BIG heart. He was the best cuddler and snuggler as an infant and toddler....and always the one most likely to break away from playing to give me a spontaneous hug and "I love you." He is incredibly compassionate, and a loyal friend. He is bright and funny. He thinks deeply about things, and surprises me at times with his insights. He stands up for what is right, defends the underdog and befriends the outcast. He is unafraid to talk about the gospel with others....and speaks to them in terms of it being fact, not just belief. He is going to be an awesome missionary.

Yes there are times I think I will pull out all my hair in exasperation dealing with his monster side...But I am always incredibly grateful and proud to be his mom...because the big hearted, other side of him more than makes up for the exasperation.

Another Summer Gone

2009-08-03T20:25:00.000-07:00

I start back to work on Wednesday....sigh....and though I am VERY grateful to have a job, and am really looking forward to getting a paycheck again, I'm not ready. It's too soon. You see I had this plan, a list, of all the things I was going to accomplish this summer.....and I'm not done! This shouldn't surprise me, because I NEVER finish the list, but every summer I'm so hopeful that this will be the year.

I haven't read a book in two months....should have managed to read at least 3 or 4.
I haven't scrapbooked, beaded, or done any family history research.....though I planned to do each at least a few hours a week.
I haven't painted the bathrooms.....but I bought the paint for one.
I didn't deep clean the house from top to bottom....barely kept it decent enough for company.
Never had lunch with three friends that I meant to.
Never finished the food storage inventory or reworked the menu.

I could thoroughly depress myself by continuing this list!! So maybe it's time to think about what I DID accomplish.

I painted the kitchen and family room in a shade of light periwinkle blue....that I absolutely love.
I cropped a bunch of pants into shorts for the kids.
Helped to purge and clean the kids bedrooms.
Went on a vacation to San Diego where I got to relax with the family.
Had some good conversations with my kids.
Went to girls camp.
Made new friends & strengthened old friendships.
Started a blog.
Got a Facebook page.
Learned to text.
Saw Wicked!
Went to my first midnight movie showing (Harry Potter -- awesome).
Tried a new recipe.
Started journaling online.
Got some family photos hung on the wall.
AND started an exercise routine that I have actually stuck to and will be able to continue even when work starts.

That list makes me feel better. Maybe it's time to start keeping better track of the things I do get done instead of just the things I don't. I'm thinking if it's not on the list, but I do it, I should write it on the list and then cross it off!!

How often in life do we focus on the things we don't get done....focus on our weaknesses, instead of giving ourselves credit for all that we do, and do well. We, especially women, tend to be our own worst critics. Why is that? Why is it easier to see the bad in ourselves than the good? I know that we should be humble, but surely it's possible to be humble and still recognize our own worth and talent, and give ourselves a pat on the back once in awhile. Maybe if we all made more of an effort to point out the good we see in each other, commend each other for jobs well done, maybe we'd start to see more of the good in ourselves. I for one think I'm gonna give it a try.

Goodbye Sweet Addie

2009-07-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

Last night was a hard one....filled with tears, and prayers, and disbelief. We learned that the 12 year old daughter of friends was killed in a car accident and her 8 year old sister was in critical condition in the hospital. They were caravaning with extended family, while on vacation in Utah, and the girls were in another car. The cousin who was driving was also killed, and three others are in the hospital as well.

I can't begin to fathom what they are going through. Coming upon an accident and discovering that it is your family...your children...broken and hurt. How do you grieve for one child and still hold it together enough to care for the others? I can't get my brain around it.

I know that they will see their daughter again, I KNOW it! I know that she is in paradise, in the loving arms of family. But a part of me still wants to scream that no parent should have to bury a child. Somehow it seems easier to find peace in that eternal perspective when the person who has gone has lived a fuller life....had the chance to grow up.

And what do I say to this friend when she comes home and I see her again? Somehow "I'm so sorry" doesn't seem enough, but what else do I say? My heart aches for her.

Her daughter was a sweet, beautiful girl....who whenever she saw me would break out in a big smile and wrap me in a huge bear hug....though I was never certain what I had ever done to deserve that reaction from her. She had a good heart, always happy and kind. It's hard to believe that her mission in this life was done.....that there wasn't a need for her light to remain here longer. I trust that the Lord has His reasons for taking her home. It's just hard not knowing what they are...but I guess that's where the trust comes in isn't it?

Though her beautiful spirit will be missed, and her loss difficult for those who love her to bear, I know that the Lord will help them through the heartache. And friends will share what burdens they can. Somehow all who miss her will be strengthened and grow from this experience....though at the moment it is hard to see how.

So to sweet little Addie....know that you are loved by many, and will be sorely missed. Reach out to your parents and siblings, and let them know that your spirit is still close. And I hope that when I see you once again you will still be just as happy to see me, and that you will smile that big beautiful smile at me and wrap me in a great big hug.

Sorry Ladies, He's Mine!

2009-07-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

This is my darling husband. Pretty dang cute, huh?!! I have had the extreme fortune of being his wife for 19 years, 1 month, and 9 days. I love him to death!!

He makes me laugh everyday...and would have me believe that I am the hottest, sexiest, best looking woman around. I love him for that. (Though sometimes I worry that his eyes are going because the woman I see in the mirror is not as hot as he claims!)

He is a terrific husband...far more thoughful than I...and a fantastic dad. He works very hard to take care of all of us. OH!..and he is the BEST at picking out presents! I really hit the jackpot when I found him. As my dad said today.."He's a keeper!!"

Though we have always thought a lot alike it started getting freaky when we hit the 15 year mark. We started to find our selves thinking and/or saying things at the same time. If we only had a dollar for everytime one of us said, "I was just thinking the same thing" or "I was just about to say that." (But somebody PLEASE shoot us if we ever become one of those old couples who dress exactly alike! ha.ha)

I enjoy being with him....he's my best friend. And I'm pretty sure that eternity with him is gonna be a blast!

Cholla Girls Rock!!!

2009-07-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

I spent last night with a group of those good women I mentioned in my last post. We all met in 1995 when my husband and I, along with our first two children, then ages 3 and 3 months, moved to Phoenix and into the then Cholla Ward. We were quickly pulled in by a sister in the ward who began to introduce us to a band of friends that would, over the coming years, become our extended family. To say I love these women would be an understatement -- they're AMAZING!!! (And in all honesty their husbands are pretty rockin' too)

The cool thing about last night is that the planning of it started because my BFF and I wanted to get together with the daughters of these friends. See, we watched these girls grow up. I was one of their Young Women leaders. Our families went on ward campouts together, had family nights together, and got together to hang out, just because. And as these girls have gotten older and become adults they've moved beyond being the daughters of friends, to being friends.

So last night we had two generations of women gathered together to hang out for some strictly girl time. We talked, we ate, and we laughed ALOT!! Some of us even sang and danced!! (Ofcourse it's hard NOT to when you're watching Mama Mia!! Who can sit still when ABBA is playing?!) It was FABULOUS!!! I wish we could do it more often!! .....And I wish one of us had thought to get a picture!

So,..... Sarah, Melissa, Brittiny, Dani, Peri, Alecia, Katelyn, Amanda, Denene, Elaine, Kathy, Pam & Rhonda......thanks for a GREAT night!!!! Joleen & Katelyn...so sorry you weren't able to be with us. I'll love ya all forever!

Here's to Good Women

2009-07-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

As a thank you gift for being a leader at girl's camp I received a plaque a with the following quote:

Here's to Good Women:

May We Know Them,

May We Be Them,

May We Raise Them.

I love it! We all need good women in our lives, at every stage of life. Good women teach us, listen to us, laugh with us, cry with us, and keep us sane.

Those older than us help us by sharing their experience and teaching us that we're not going through anything that hasn't been experienced before by many others.

Those in the same stage of life we are let us know we're not in it alone.

And those younger than us keep us energized and excited about life, and make us feel like the wise ones. (Okay I admit, sometimes they just make us feel old.)

The point is, I could not survive without other women. Nor would I want to try.

All of my women, and young women, friends fill a different need. There are those that I call when I need a shoulder to cry on and those that I call when I need to laugh so hard that I pee my pants. Those that I know will help me carry any load and laugh my way through it. Some of these women have filled each need at some point in my life. Some are far more than friends...they are sisters.

I have an incredible, ever expanding, circle of women around me. They are my lifeline to sanity, or insanity when that's what I need. They let me be who I am and encourage me toward who I want to be.

I hope that in Heaven we can all live on the same big cul de sac, where we can continue to love and share our lives together......and get together to laugh over pie or pazookies!

My Other Mom

2009-07-22T17:22:00.000-07:00

The topic of todays post comes thanks to my sister, who yet again is dealing with "mother-in-law issues." She and her mother-in-law have a horrendous relationship....to put it nicely.

I on the otherhand have been tremendously blessed in the mother-in-law department. There is a reason that my husband is the wonderful man that he is -- he has a wonderful mother. She is kind and generous, and I love being around her. We share the first name, we just spell it differently, and still occasionly recieve each others mail as a result. I called her mom right from the start..... long before Brian and I started talking marriage....I probably should have taken that as a sign.

It is no exaggeration to say that I consider her one of my best friends. We think a like in a lot of ways and enjoy spending time together. Some of our favorite activities are shopping (especially the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas), going to the Harvest Festival, talking politics (or anything else) , and eating dessert for breakfast -- we are especially good at that one!!

My friends and sisters are admittedly jealous -- and I certainly can't blame them. I have definitely been blessed!

Why me?

2009-07-21T05:31:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 4:20 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Something Pam talked about at the memorial service yesterday kept running through my brain. She said that she went to visit her mom at the hospital one day, after struggling with the question of why this was happening to her mother. She sat on Myrna's bed and asked if she ever asked herself the question "Why me?" "Why did I get leukemia?"

Myrna's answer was a profound one....a life lesson for us all! She told Pam that whenever she asked "WHY?" it was "Why am I so blessed?"

Why am I blessed with such a loving husband?

Why am I blessed with such a wonderful family?

Why am I blessed with such loyal friends?

Why am I blessed to have a knowledge of the gospel?

Why am I blessed with a nice house....good food for my family....the beauties of this earth....air in my lungs?!

The list is endless!

So here's what I've decided -- I am going to make the effort everyday to ask myself why I am so blessed with certain things in my life...and to share those questions here, at least on occasion, and/or to write them in my journal.

Here is my first question, one I have been thinking about for a week:

Why am I blessed with such an amazing daughter?

Perhaps this thought has been running through my head because I just had the opportunity to be with her at girl's camp, to see how she interacted with others, and to hear her bare her testimony. I watched her in awe...wondering what I ever did to deserve her. She is such a gift! She is such a light!....and always has been. I swear that girl was born smiling. The kind of smile that lights up her whole face...and the room.

She has a personality that draws people to her like a magnet....friendly and kind to everyone. One of the girls in her third grade class walked up to me one day and said, "Katelyn is the kindest person I know." She looks out for the outsider, the person hanging out on the fringes, and pulls them in, because she knows how bad it feels to be left out and doesn't want anyone else to feel that.

She has a strong sense of who she is and what she believes in....and she lives it! She doesn't let the opinions of others affect her standards. At a time when so many teenagers follow every fad, and give in to the slightest pressure from their peers, that is amazing! She sets an example others can follow...an example of kindness, compassion, modesty, and finding the joy in life.

And one of the greatest blessings is that she likes me! She enjoys doing things with her mom and isn't embarrassed by me. I know that not all moms of teenage girls are so blessed. I always had a good relationship with my mom growing up, and prayed that I would have the same with my daughter. Happily that is a blessing I have received.

I may never know just what I did to deserve her...but I will be ever grateful that I have been so blessed as to have her in my life!!!

Eternal Perspective

2009-07-20T19:36:00.000-07:00

I originally posted this on Facebook this afternoon, but thought I would share it here as well.

My family just came home a little while ago from the memorial service for a phenomenal woman -- Myrna Pratt. She was an example of unwavering faith and Christlike love to everyone around her. She was the type of woman I want to be. I had the priviledge of living in the Cholla/Moon Valley ward with her and her dear husband Wayne for many years, of teaching her youngest daughter in Young Women's, and getting to be friends with her daughter Pam. All you have to do is look at the wonderful people that her children are to get a glimpse at the type of person she is. Her children paid a beautiful tribute to her today in the songs and words that they shared about their beloved mother. She is such a bright spirit that I believe even those who saw her infrequently or only knew her as an acquaintance will feel the loss of her light.

But isn't it wonderful to know that she is not really gone?! What a blessing it is to know the restored gospel of Jesus Christ...to know that she and all our loved ones, though no longer visible to us, live on in another sphere. To know that she was greeted by the loving, open arms of family that had gone before her...and that she in turn will be waiting to meet her own beautiful family again....That none of us will walk into the next portion of our journey alone, but will be guided and greeted by family and friends.

I had the great blessing of spending time with my Grandma Ann in the weeks leading up to her death, and being with her when she passed....and I KNOW that her family, especially her children that had preceded her, started gathering to comfort and ease that transition for her. As the veil grew thinner she would see them...and speak with them. What a comfort it was to me to know that they were there for her.

I am so grateful for my testimony of the gospel...for an eternal perspective, that helps to ease the loss of family and friends, because I know the loss of their company is only temporary. Our loving Heavenly Father, with our beloved older brother Jesus Christ, has prepared a way for us all to be together again, to spend eternity as families, in the company of those we love most.

Speeding into the 21st century?

2009-07-20T19:07:00.000-07:00

I've thought about starting a blog for awhile now, but have been intimidated by the idea of trying to come up with entries that anyone other than me would find interesting. Not sure why today I finally decided to give it a go, but here I am. I'm sure my husband will be SHOCKED!! This may just be the thing that blows him over. Last month I got a new phone, the first that I picked out for myself, with a full keyboard so that I could finally start texting like everyone else. My husband sent me my first text ....welcoming me to the 21st centry! Then, two weeks ago, I opened a Facebook account...the first in our household to do so...he found it so humorous he had to take a picture of me on the computer. Now a blog...from the one person in the house who is the most technologically challenged...he may just fall over.